NRA Rebrands Itself

The organization formerly known at the National Rifle Association has rebranded itself the National Firearms Association (NFA). We recently spoke with the CEO, Pierre LaWayne. What follows is our conversation, edited for clarity and brevity.

Bozo: Mr. LaWayne, thank you for speaking with us today. I understand that not only the NRA, but you have rebranded yourself. Is that true?

PLW: Yes, I used to be known by another name, but when we rebranded the organization, the board thought it best to rebrand me as well since my pre-rebranded name carried a lot of baggage.

Bozo: Can you explain what you mean by that?

PLW: The Socialist Wokers spread the idea that my $1M annual salary and generous expense account were excessive. I grew this organization almost single handedly. During my reign, we saw the greatest increase in semi-automatic weapons in the history of the world.

Bozo: Why did the NRA become the NFA?

PLW: We decided that rifles, even semi-automatic ones that can kill many, many people with a minimum of reloading, are only a part of the Firearms Story. We now push for people to own machine guns, flame throwers, bazookas, IEDs and the like to protect themselves from the Socialist Wokers that is bent on destroying America.

Bozo: Do I understand correctly that you want the public to legally obtain bazooka, IEDs and similar deadly armaments?

PLW: Do you really want only the criminals, the insane, and the Socialist Wokers to be the only ones with these things?

Bozo: What’s next on the agenda for the NFA?

PLW: We’re lobbying members of Congress and throwing huge piles of money their way to change the name of the county to the United States of Armaments. We thought it best to keep the initials USA, so our members could continue to shout that out at the Olympics. It will be hard enough to train them to say NFA rather than NRA.

Bozo: Thank you, Mr. LaWayne for speaking with us so frankly.

PLW: My pleasure. As you know, I’ve been known as a straight shooter to the media.